t-u-f-t-s

i'm all settled in...
moved in? yes.
an official student ? yes, have the ID to prove it.
acquainted and adjusted ? ...... not so much. at all.


i know everything in life isnt easy...thats a given. but this, this is going to be much harder than expected....i didnt expect the adjustment to be as difficult as it is, and i dont feel the need to change who i am or what i like to make that adjustment any easier. to be honestly, a lot of things in my life have come either naturally or easily to me, and i guess this is just one of many tests of my character and all that jazz. good thing im from Los Angeles, and have friends/know people who are from the area...such a relief. oddly enough, im excited for school to start because i havent truly worked hard since.... first semester senior year haa boy has that been a while...im excited to put these school supplies and new books to use...plus, the classes are all ridiculously awesome. i think im really excited for school to start so i can stop dwelling on my loser-status loll and focus on the books. *sidebar ---- my advising group is great, my advisor is pretty chill -- from nyc, has her doctorate from nyu where she focused on medieval art, she has this amazing tribal tattoo going down her left arm its pretty rad.* but more updates to come and of course more pics, nikon on the wayyy :)

new-new

B O S T O N.

this is where im at
tufts university =)
moving in tomorrow...
longer posts & pictures to come soon

"scorpios will be yo friend til the end"

its about time i blogggg this
ive been meaning to do so for quite something...but with working, being sick, and packing my entire closet (wheww) i havent had much energy....

so i did something that not only am i not a fan of, im not also a supporter of ... i took the city bus to work wednesday, thursday morning, and friday. and man oh man...i figure hey im going to be on the east coast for the next four years, without a car thank god i do hate driving, i should get used to depending on the good ol city goverment to help me get around the bustling city... trust me. dont get me wrong, i am truly a pre-madonna, priss, sometimes a little snobby, and as much as i hate driving ive come to depend on it getting me to and fro wherever my little heart wishes...and well surprisingly, i had no problem paying my five dollars in the morning for a day pass and witnessing all the crazy events occur on the 212 and 20 buses. there weere those familiar faces and familiar drivers but a host of characters come on and off the bus...the riders are mostly what they call " minorities" -- "blacks, latinos, and asians" (whatever that means); some are homeless and some are rocking designer jeans with big shades and the ipod attached to the hip. living in a society where first impressions, or at least i was taught first impressions can make/break you but they also set the tone, matter and where judgements are quickly and probably too easily passed on others...i learned to keep my mouth quiet, not to stare for too long, and not to try to assume why someone was on the bus/their situation/their life story. so i sat...kept my eyes open, occasionally responding to texts in my purse, and just looking thru the windows and occasionally the other bus riders. while i dont think id ever rely on the los angeles public bus (this city, compared to east coast has just awful pub transportation) if i had an extremely busy day, all over the city and lots of appointments...if you have nothing to do and want to go somewhere, and dont want to drive or pay for gas or find parking ... hop onnnn the MTA. guarantee you'll step off with stories for daysss, a bundle of laughs and a good memory or two.


oh, not to mention...my time in LA is down to two days ?!!

au revoir

first lindsay now --
alexis and darius
in one day, at the same place




this is much harder than i expected -- i dont think i was ready for august departures :( im up next...then jharvs leaves after me...L.A. will be without a spectacular group of individuals...well just til Thanksgiving

early bird catches this worm

im so stoked...that i had to post this nowwww even if it is 730am


im getting a new camera this weekend :) :)
so excited. well getting two actually
the canon powershot for my little one and then either a canon eos d40 or a canon xsi...oyyy im too pumped. photography is one of my truly loved hobbies...now ill have my manual 35mm and these two digiesss. graduation money is truly coming in handy


i leave in NINE9NINE days. aint that some shitttt. some good shit might i add!
peace - soul - smiles - and laughs.

living's harder than dying ?

Kanye West "Champion Video" Official Directed by NEON from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

surpriso

so i come home from work today...


an "i'm sorry balloon" attached to a huge edible gourmet flower-fruit creation, and a teddy bear are awaiting me.

4days.

now i know what it is. now i know what this feels like.


he may not be "mine" but ill claim THIS how i see it -- and "this" is referring to the feeling and thoughts i have running through my mind, that have been running through my mind for so long now. now i know why it is i start to blush, hide, smile, laugh, giggle, make noises -- when i look into his eyes, i see it all.

to elaborate would probably be too much ... but at the same time , seeing it all in one pair of eyes, one face, and one man is all too scary for me, it brings not only satisfaction and happiness but fear of the unknown, fear of the doubt, fear of the possibilities. and because of this...we will continue to be just he and i -- whether i like it or not / wish that it was US, this is what it is. i cant lie, i am happy about the situation i am in but i know that it can only be a temporary/non-serious sort of thing and well with that i feel everything just falls apart... ?


=/

COLOURS + tyra=michelle obama

andre 3000/kanye/farnsworth --

tyra banks as michelle obama // harpers bazaar has endorsed the candidate --

take it back

so this afternoon, well this evening around seven or so...i took a trip to the past -- MY past. the good days. the worry-free days. the always a smile days. the two thick long braids days with the colorful barette knockers on the end. ... you get my drift. lol when i was a short, semi-chubby little thang.
family friends came in from chicago. i would go to chicago twice a year every year for sooo many years... the two girls, now 16 and 13 are all grown up and big....and while im not much older than stacy (16year old) -- it reminded me of how fast time flies. i remember going to her/her sister's birthday parties (the reason we would go to chicago every year) at the rented out skating rink. i remember boarding the plane every time with my cousins sasha/kevin and our parents... oh how exciting those times were. and now, at the dinner table we're talking about "oh so are you all packed up for college..." "when do you leave" -- this shit scares me. im scared my time, these "great four years" will roll by too fast; or i wont be able to appreciate them...


ill stop being a worry wort, or whatever they call it hahaa

my life is one big question mark

when did everyone stop giving a fuck ?
sad to say, but ive fallen into this "trap"... well somewhat.

i say i dont give a fuck. i dont have time for the crazyness. i dont care.
but deep down -- i really do. i mask the difficulty of understanding complex situations; my raw emotions -- fear, sadness, hurt; i keep it hidden but if you know me well enough you know WHO and WHAT truly matters to me, what truly keeps me ticking, and what will tick me the fuck off. because of all of this...ive fallen into the trap. i hate it i hate it i hate it
how does one person affect another person SO profoundly that you get to the point of having a headache, jealousy, and everything else bad ? wish i understood...bc this is my life.


if i could list all the questions running through my mind or express how i feel i would. but im trying to understand it all myself. maybe i am a dramaqueen, idk ?

welcome to my world...

new songs --
treat u good -- lloyd
you -- lucy pearl f/ qtip & snoop dogg
look back at me (remix) -- trina

these past few days have been crazy. to say the LEAST
i dont know where to start, or dont know how much i can truly expose to the blog world...cause i forget who actually has my url link...but fuck it ... so lets start with wednesday. my emotions were running crazy, and i had a hard time deciphering between my guilt, concern, and freedom. if that makes any sense at all which im sure it doesnt...have you ever had that feeling where what you didnt really need/werent able to have is what you wanted (not that you COULDNT have it, just some reasons and circumstances prevent it) and what you had -- well the idea of it wasn't truly satisfying to you ? well thats how im feeling...

thursday -- all i have to say is : real world manhattan (beach), white people in the hood of lennox, 40oz, the popo's, and mikey p hahaa... what a crazy night ! and i was sober *gasp*

friday -- ashleys partyyyy. i swear that 1) there were too many doodoo's to even breathe in there 2) im getting too old for parties, lol i think i started at a young age so now not much phases me 3) i realized ive talkd to too many boys, i ran into ones i used/still talk to, ones ive already dated, and ones that wanted to date me, and some new ones 4) i was grabbed and pulled too close to too many boys (known/unknown)...i felt like a little doll ...all in all it was a good night, my best friend jo was back innnn town from jamaica, mon. so it was good partying/watching people party it up...and of course, the regular summer IDHT crew was in full effect. and what kind of outing with alexis & gabie would it be if a dennys milkshake/hot tea wasnt in the picture? :)

FIFTEEN DAYS//TWO DAYS.

sand monster

so i thought i throw it back
to summer 2006

a summer of undiscovered hope and beauty...

dedication...
beachside villas...
magnificent heights (theoretically and literally)...
courage, new adventures, and strength (sight of robben island -- where nelson mandela was held during apartheid era in South Africa)





i ♥ southafrica.
wish i was there now, thats why i posted thisss :)

?

i think thats called lying...
i think thats where things get complicated...
i think this is where wants, needs, wishes, and hopes must be separated, yet equally fulfilled...



i think
im confused.

you -- lucy pearl f/ qtip & snoop

19days left. and shit is really starting to sink in. after finding out my housing assignment/roommate assignment yesterday, i spent the rest of my free time (up until 1am) talking to tufts-ies & dorm room shopping. like when i start packing away my life in large brown boxes in the next week...it'll truly sink.
posting that picture made me think (like i always think), the image i see -- is it the same as someone else/others see it ? like what if i look nothing like what i look like ? haha im getting weird i know, but regardless its me + new haircut.

here i stand

i start work tomorrow...
= back to the doctor's office i go, filing, seeing patients, etc
got my roommate/housing assignment today...
invitation to africana's (BSU equivalent) cape cod weekend trip
bon voyage party yesterday w/ my family = $$$$$$$$ = :) :)

...i'm almost gone which is/will be
exciting.scary.heartpounding.thrilling.adventerous -- too many adjectives
countdown is 20days

guilty ? playing by the unspoken rules?

my friends (and others too im sure) say that... you always have your main, but then the guy/the girl will always do their "own thing" on the side. is that true ? that makes me question the validity and substance of anyones relationship. guaranteed im single and whatnot, but does this hold true for couples who have been together for a 'long' period of time ? hmmm.
i want to believe that its not completely true...and i want to feel guilt-free right now. maybe im too considerate and to hopeful for "us" when instead i should continue doing me, and just me...



regardless...

huit jours =]

=]

dix jours