my heart

so before...i never thought id get to this point, but im ready and willing...for one day i wish that you could just be inside of my head -- understand my thoughts and my actions.

i care for you so much, and sometimes its clouded and unseen because of the walls ive built up around my heart and my emotions. i hope that doesnt steer you away, because honestly all i want is you and us and though it may seem like im difficult and hardheaded.i dont mean to come off that way. you have to understand my stance -- where im coming from, how ive been treated in the past, and what i was once used to you. you are different from ALL of that, so at times i have to remind myself to be guarded just in case you change and all of this and us and you are all too good to be true.

but im learning that...you are not too good to be true...you are truthfully and with all honesty just GREAT. words dont describe or fully give credit to you as a human being and how wonderful you are not just to me, but in general.

no one else can put the smile on my face like you do, the redness on the cheeks when i start to blush, the nonstop fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, or the warmth in my heart when i think of you/am with you...

so i say all this to say--be patient with me, we can grow together, put a mirror to our faults to improve them, celebrate the good times and understand the bad ones so we dont relive them. realize that we all have pasts and by just being you, i am assured that what was a year ago, let alone 2years ago is not now its not you and its not us...and i thank you so very much for that.

i keep/still here -- jill scott

kids
homes
late nights
holiday dinners
growing old
family
us
love
loving you

fortunate -- maxwell

i have a new theory:
when life throws you lemons,
you have two choices
either you can make lemonade, lemon pie, and lemon squares
or you can duck, hoping that those suckers dont hit you

yeah a little strange no? but my life is anything less than strange.
these past few weeks have been interesting to say the least
so many events, so many emotions -- doubt/happiness/joy/concern, so many papers & late study nights. all in all, im doing what youre supposed to do -- allowing life's lessons to serve as the foundation for future situations but im also not allowing it to get the best of me.

i think i could be falling in love
bold statement...declarative. but at the same time the "think" aspect represent the unsureness and uneasiness i feel towards the matter. people keep telling me im in love or asking me if im going to marry him. and well, these kind of questions and people are the catalysts to my thoughts and feelings. i suppose, more to come on that later...

ill be back home in two days ! im so excited :)
for a wholeeeee month
with ALL my loves