THOUGHTS

i wish i was a little bit taller
i wish i was a little bit thinner
i wish my forehead was a little smaller
and my nose perfect, without the bump
i wish i was free of the several stretch marks that grace my body
i wish i had long brown curly hair
and long graceful neck
and perfect teeth
i wish i had more money
and was at the school of my dreams
i wish i could be the perfect daughter, relative, student,
friend, and girlfriend
i try, and i know i mess up. i often have that
i dont give a fuck mentality - usually i mean it,
sometimes its just meant as a defense to shield
my own vulnerability/feelings.
i know i have a temper, little patience, am demanding,
and sometimes not slight of genuine kindness
seems to be running through my body.

but i am who i am
and i never wish any harm on anyone ever
and i do not try to maliciously attack or upset anyone,
i am moody, and i know how i want things and
when i want them. bitchy ? maybe. but a hurtful
person is definitely not who i am
i can only take each day as it comes
and i learn to love gabrielle even more
and i learn to work on gabrielle's flaws
so that they reach the potential i know
i am destined for.

but each "flaw" on me tells a story,
from those stretchmarks, to my
frizzy-curly-kinky thick black hair,
to my former braceface /lost retainers
smile...it all tells a story, and that story
is me.

--
when i look in the mirror, i can point out
a million flaws, but in the end, THAT is who
i am and that surely is something i can not naturally fix.
the flaws i see are the beauty marks others adore about me.
i foten wonder, what i see in the mirror w these
two eyes, is it the same thing he sees?
he always says no.
i ask and can only hope for him to understand
that he means the world to me, and i am not deliberately trying
to push him away. i am growing, he is growing,
the world is everchanging. i just appreciate having
someone near and far, but forever spiritually and emotionally
intertwined w me on this journey we call life.
if i snap or yell or get an attitude, know that
i love you, and always will. but that deep down
gabrielle j horton is a fiesty young lady who has never before
found her other half until now and is an only (spoiled) child,
so compormising and adhering
to others needs/wants is fairly new to her...bear w me
underneath all of this is a LOT of greatness :)